The Red Diary

25 April 2017 08:52AM

April 25, 1962

Dear Red,
I called in sick again. It’s documented by three doctors, including Fox’s own Dr. Segal. It’s bad for me, so much pressure from Fox. It’s in my chest, I can hardly breathe. I know what my body can and cannot do.…

25 April 2017 08:50AM

April 24, 1962

Dear Red,
Imagine a close-up of me today— my acute sinusitis would frighten the audience. I
can’t even get out of bed. Besides, I refuse to meet the Shah of Iran— he and
his wife are visiting the set today. He doesn’t recognize Israel,…

23 April 2017 08:10AM

April 23, 1962

Dear Red,
Dr. E. treated my viral infection. Paula helped me through the day with little nips
of vodka. Everyone was happy. My stand-in, Evelyn Moriarty, is sweet. Agnes, Fox’s Hairdresser is everyone’s mama. She said, Marilyn, you’re a lucky girl to have…

22 April 2017 08:18AM

April 22, 1962

Dear Red,
Fuck. I’m too sick to begin filming. Dr. E. says filming should be postponed for
a month. Even Fox’s new doctor agrees. But Fox said insurance won’t cover it. No shit. They are blaming it on me, a cover-up for their problems.…

21 April 2017 06:56AM

April 21, 1962

Dear Red,
I was thinking about the shitty job Dr. Cottrell did stitching up my gallbladder
surgery— it took me a year of fighting depression before I finally accepted that
scar. But imagine what veterans face. Dreamboat suffers from constant back pain
and he lost his brother…

20 April 2017 09:21AM

April 20, 1962

Dear Red,
Weinstein yelled at me. He said, Jesus, Marilyn, don’t you have any Kotex? I was
dripping blood all over my bathrobe, the chair, and the white carpet while he and
the new scriptwriter, Walter Burnstein, sat in my living room, poring over Something’s Got…

19 April 2017 09:06AM

April 19, 1962

Dear Red,
Shit! I’m in bed with a box of tissues. I Caught Lee’s flu. Paula soothes me with
Yiddish sayings like a soft tongue breaks the bones, and is earning her five thousand this week by making me chicken soup. She mentioned Susie…

18 April 2017 08:20AM

April 18, 1962

Dear Red,
Oops! My hands were in Dreamboat’s hair when a Secret serviceman rushed into the room. He’s getting dozens of death threats a day and Jackie is threatening a divorce over birthday plans— luckily his father is stepping in with a substantial gift.…

17 April 2017 10:09AM

April 17, 1962

Dear Red,
Paula tells Lee what I say. He repeats it back to me. And I pay them! Oh well, some
people say they treat me better than their own daughter, Susie. She looked like
Liz in National Velvet when she played Anne Frank on Broadway.…

16 April 2017 09:54AM

April 16, 1962

Dear Red,
Arthur and I married in 1956 and took our honeymoon in London with the filming
of The Prince and the Showgirl. The day we had tea with the Queen we had our
first fight— he left his diary open and I saw that he…

15 April 2017 08:40AM

April 15, 1962

While Jimmy was away at war I danced with Yoshiko. She hid in a cellar
during the Japanese rounded up. A girl at the Radio Airplane factory introduced us. I climbed down a ladder into her clean sparse underground room. She painted my face…

14 April 2017 07:11AM

April 14, 1962

Dear Red,
Sh’ma. Paula and I are heading to New York for a week— the film has been
postponed due to problems with the script, not because of me. By the way, it occurred to me that my well meaning Aunt Ida banging on the…

13 April 2017 08:36AM

April 13, 1962

Dear Red,
Fox threw Liz a QUEEN SIZE 30th birthday Party. Of course, the article didn’t report
that Fox is going broke or that Fox is pressuring MARILYN into slave labor to
save their ass. Still, I am the biggest hit at the box office for…

12 April 2017 11:28AM

April 12, 1962

Dear Red,
Weinstein, my producer and babysitter, not my doctor, called it an OD. Too many
pills he said, but I counted them! I know what I’m doing. Everyone in Hollywood has their formula for counting pills. He says he found me unconscious— well, I…

11 April 2017 12:21PM

April 11, 1962

Dear Red,
Sick Bad Shit Fucked Day. Love love love
you Red. Be here for me. Hear me.
Can’t write now. Marilyn

10 April 2017 10:54AM

April 10, 1962

Dear Red,
First day of shooting. Paula said I was in perfect form— I felt it. But where
was Cukor? I’ve never experienced the director not bothering to show up on the
first day. How disrespectful is that? When I got home…

9 April 2017 09:05AM

April 9, 1962

Dear Red,
Ellen Arden says to Wally’s character, the shoe salesman: Would you have lunch
with me? I’d be so grateful if you’d take it out. My foot’s grown! Go barefoot for
five years and look what happens! Ellen says to Dean Martin, her husband: I…

8 April 2017 09:48AM

April 8, 1962

Dear Red,
Mrs. Murray said, Marilyn, you can rely on me while Dr. Greenson is on vacation.
When I looked at her, all I saw were her spooky dark carved nostrils. Rely on you
for what, I asked. If you feel the need to talk, I…

7 April 2017 09:40AM

April 7, 1962

Dear Red,
I found my best teachers on stage. Like Lily St. Cyr— I copied her make-up, the
way she dressed, her striptease. She was Ted Jordan’s girlfriend. A first-class
artist and all I had to pay was a couple bucks cover charge to get educated.…

6 April 2017 10:31AM

April 6, 1962

Dear Red,
Ellen Arden says to the dog: What on earth have they been feeding you, you
silly old thing! Tippy wouldn’t try to bite me, would you, Tippy? To the kids,
she says: You don’t remember me, do you? Would you like…

5 April 2017 08:57AM

April 5, 1962

Dear Red,
Norman sent me his new spring poem. I called him and read my Hiaku reply three
times. He said he likes the verb action, and suggested that I gather a collection
of my poems into a book. He’ll write an introduction.


5 April 2017 08:55AM

April 4, 1962

Dear Red,
Paula says it’s the coffee that’s giving me sleep problems. I’m going to research
the effects. Just one more addiction. Human beings aren’t perfect. Lee agrees.
He says, Darling, I see no reason to hide what’s inside you. Problems and being…

3 April 2017 10:07AM

April 3, 1962

Dear Red,
Dreamboat promised to sneak me into the Lincoln Bedroom when he made it to the
White House and it wasn’t long after he was sworn in that I got my call. A car picked me up, and I was swept into an elevator…

2 April 2017 08:59AM

April 2, 1962

Dear Red,
Maf breathes. I breathe. We breathe. He’s sleeps. He wheezes. We breathe together.
I end up panting. I take a deep breath. I take off my eye mask, pull back the
blackout curtains and look at stary sky. Dr. G. warned me he is…

1 April 2017 09:30AM

April 1, 1962

Dear Red,
Paula arrives from NY tomorrow. She’s my second set of eyes to make sure I’m Ellen Arden, lost wife pulling a Swedish nanny trick to get MY house, MY kids, and MY husband back. The storyline is that I was stranded for…


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